


Where one may wander (Filo AU)

by skyminhyoon



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: Filipino
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26776159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyminhyoon/pseuds/skyminhyoon
Summary: A story where Seung suddenly decides to leave everything he has, even the person who he considers his treasure, Min, leaving him wondering on why."Why am I hurting when I was the one who left you for my stupid reasons?" Seung asked."Did you ever think about there's someone out there, waiting for you to come back? Have you ever wondered what I would feel knowing that the person I loved the most just decided to disappear suddenly, without even saying anything?" Min asked back.
Relationships: Kim Seungmin/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. The ghost of the present

**Author's Note:**

> \- everything is in Sky's POV, unless stated  
> \- first time writing an AU  
> \- based on the concept of the song "EX"  
> \- this is purely fictional  
> \- any similarities with other plots are purely coincidental  
> \- don't expect this to be that good, I'm nowhere near that

**Sky's POV**

**\- 1 -**

I woke up looking for that comfortable scent that I'm used to waking up next to. As I tried standing up to prepare for the day, the empty feeling of being alone, the feeling of wanting to go back to how things were rushed back out of nowhere, making it difficult for me to keep standing so I sat down.

"What's happening? Ilang buwan na ang nakalipas, bakit apektado pa din ako?" I asked myself.

A sudden scenario rang into my mind, it seems so blurry, and unreal but at the same time, it felt real. " _Why am I hurting when I was the one who left you for my stupid reasons?_ ", I heard my own voice yet can't reconcile when it happened. 

Lahat lahat ng alaala na kasama ko si Min bumalik, and the emotions along with it, but mostly the pain I've brought to him. I thought my decision was something for the best, pero, as they say, malalaman mo lang ang definition ng salitang regret pagkatapos mong gawin ang isang desisyon o action na nag lead dito.

While I can still hear my own thoughts, I tried to divert myself by playing a Lo Fi album that I listen to every time I feel like nasasakal ako sa mga nangyayari or nasstress ako. While it may not take away what's currently on my mind, it keeps me sane enough to control my thought process again.

I decided to get back up and prepare for my first class this week, sucks pero I still need to attend my class despite thinking about these, anong choice ko? It was my decision all along to leave everything behind, for a "better" start, as someone made me believe so.

Before I even know it, time na pala. Start na ng first class ko for the week. "Shit" that's the only word that I said while trying to fix myself in order to go to the university. 

"Wow, ramdam ko na agad yung swerte ko for today. Hahaha, what a great way to start the academic term." I exclaimed to myself while running.

It was already 8:05 AM (my class starts at 8 am) when I got inside the campus and rushed towards the classroom designated for my class. Before I even enter the room, I felt something odd already, na parang may masamang kutob nako agad dito palang. And what do you know, as soon as I opened the door, a familiar face greeted me, with a hint of shock written in his face. 

I was standing for about 2 mins already in front of the door, and the professor decided to ask in an annoyed manner, "Well, papasok ka ba or dyan ka nalang sa labas? Either way works fine with me." Trying to process everything, I went inside the room and sat next to the familiar face guy, yes I can still clearly see the shock in his face, as it was the only vacant seat available. _Cliche? I think so too_. 

"Tangina, anong swerte ang meron ako? Paano at bakit?" I whispered to myself

I forgot that this guy has extra ordinary hearing skills so he replied back, "Baka yan yung luck na tinatawag natin na tadhana?" He smiled bitterly afterwards. "It has been awhile since you left without saying anything Seung, around 6 months na din siguro 'no? Di mo man lang ba ako kakamustahin o kahit namiss man lang?"

Dito ko narealize na ang tagal na pala na walang tumatawag sakin ng Seung. 

I sighed heavily before responding back, "Bay-- Min, there's no such thing as tadhana, at di sya classified na category sa luck, hindi ba? Bakit, namiss mo ba ko Min?"

I noticed on how he is still affected by the word "Bay" or "baby" if completed, ang salitang nagpapaflutter sa buong pagkatao nya. Huh, may epekto pa din pala, maybe he was ok all along, I thought to myself.

"Sa tingin mo Seung, ano sa tingin mo?" He answered back na kita mo yung sakit sa ngiti nya, at kita mo yung lungkot at galit sa mata nya. A normal person wouldn't notice it, pero sobrang kabisado ko na tong mukha na to. 

That question looped inside my mind for a while to the point na di ko napansin, natapos na yung klase namin sa kakaisip ko about sa sinabi ni Min. The question was rather simple pero ang hirap sagutin, in short, "Bakit?"

**Bakit mo nga ba ginawa Seung?**

Bigla akong nabalik sa realidad when someone snapped a finger sa harap ng mukha ko, "tangina ano ba problema mo di mo ba nakikita nag--", only to realize it was our professor saying that our class has already ended, "Mr. Kim, di ako natutuwa sa'yo, pay attention to my class next time so that I won't be needing to remind you na tapos na ang klase natin. And please go here before the class starts, otherwise I'll mark you as absent." he said. And kailangan na namin lumabas since may another class na papasok within minutes. I saw Min enjoying kung ano napanood nya, laughing at the other side of the room. I told him "Tangina tawa ka ng tawa dyan, di mo man lang ako sinabihan."

He retorted back, "Eh bakit ikaw, nagsabi ka ba?" which hit me harder than I was expecting.

"Sorry Min."

"Yeah yeah, save it for later. I think we'll need more time for that anyway." then Min left

And that's how a **ghost appeared in my present time.**


	2. To a safe haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The incident flew by so fast that Sky didn't have any time to process what just happened. Despite not processing anything, Sky reminisced about things that happened in the past.
> 
> "It was the best, you were my safe haven, the one I look forward to each day. Everything was just so perfect. You were the best thing that ever happened." - Min

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay flashback time, a happy one, don't worry.

**Sky's POV**

**\- 2 -**

"Yeah yeah, save it for later. I think we'll need more time for that anyway." then Min left.

Gusto ko man sya pigilan, wouldn't it be ironic if I do so? I mean, ako yung dating nawala nalang biglaan tas ngayon if I ever decided to stop him from leaving diba? So I let him leave, just staring at his back, just watching him take a step closer to the gates up until di ko na sya matanaw, as I just stood there, processing what just happened, and a lot of sht are on my mind right now.

The only time I take a step back on reality was that narinig ko na yung bell which means na yung next class session would start now, that was also the sign for me to return back to my unit instead kesa dun ako sa university tumulala ng matagal, pag tinginan pa ko ng mga tao dun, dami pa man ding chismoso / chismosa dun.

As soon as I entered my condo, I went straight to my bed instead, wanting to process what the heck just happened,

1\. I woke earlier than expected pero I left later than what I had planned because of this thought na nag paplay lang sa utak ko. " _Why am I hurting when I was the one who left you for my stupid reasons?"_ Why does it really sound so real? Nananaginip lang ba ako or nangyari na ba talaga yun?

2\. Pagpasok ko ng university, I had a bad hunch about today, _in which obviously was correct cause duh,_ and just stared in front of the door entering yung room ko for my class, _in my opinion super weird if ever I'll be on the other side of the room, like bakit ka tatayo in front of the door instead of entering it._

3\. Nagalit yung professor ko kanina dahil di ako pumasok agad ng room, di ako nakinig sa kanya and lastly, wala ako sa sarili to even notice na tapos na yung class, _which is everyone's favorite time of a subject._ To make it worse, namura ko pa sya, wow ang kapal ng mukha diba? Pero bakit kasi di si Min--

4\. MIN. IS. IN. MY. CLASS. How what where when why. 

5\. Min is my seatmate, na kinakausap ako pero ramdam ko pa din yung lungkot at galit sa boses nya, in which di ko naman sya masisisi kasi kahit sino namang gago yung mawala nalang biglaan tas makikita mo sa kung san ka pumapasok, eh magagalit ka talaga right?

6\. Are we back to being normal or are we now strangers with memories of each other?

And sa kakaisip ko, at dahil na din sa pagod, nakatulog ako.

I had a dream about those times before I left Min, before I left everything. It was about our first meeting, everything was just the plain regular day, and I may not be the most sociable person, I noticed someone at the very back of the room, standing awkwardly, _"mukha syang naliligaw"_ that was what I thought. So I don't know why, pero I felt like I need to talk to him so I did, I walked towards him, and just initiated a talk.

"Hi! Are you perhaps a new transferee in this college?" I asked him cheerfully. "I'm Kim Seungmin, but people normally use my english name, "Sky", instead." I offered my hand in front to initiate a handshake. 

I noticed how shocked he was when someone really talked to him, for the first time. "... yeah, kakatransfer ko lang dito and I'm really not used to the new environment. Min, Lee Minho." While struggling to reach out to my hand to return the handshake.

 _Lee Minho, hmm that's a nice name, it sounds so good and attractive,_ that's what I thought in my mind. _Seems like an awkward person, but at the same time, looks like someone who sings really well._

"Sorry if this may sound so rude pero why do you look like a stray cat na takot sa mga tao?" I said jokingly with a chuckle, as the thought of him as a stray cat is really cute.

He laughed while looking at me. _"Wow his laugh really sounds so good"_ , a thought I had in mind. He responded by saying "That was the first time someone told me I look like a stray cat, I actually like cats, hence that's why naadopt ko na yung personality nila. Odd, but I like the comparison, makes me feel like I am a cat, siguro it might be better if I was really a cat hahaha" he responded while laughing really hard. I don't even know what he finds so funny na super lakas ng tawa nya, pero his laugh made me laugh along with him. _"_

 _Usually, pag first convo, super awkward ng mga usapan pero I don't mind this one. I want to know him more, there's just something about him that makes me wanna know him better."_

And just like that, we became friends. I was his first friend in the class, and became his really close friend. _Too close._

I woke up in the middle of the night, noticing that I was actually crying while dreaming of that scenario. _"Why does it feel so real? Yung parang sobrang totoo na gusto ko sya maexperience ulit. The memory itself is happy pero why am I feeling sad? Why am I hurting?"_

I opened my phone to check what time was it. 8:52 PM. I've been sleeping for about 7 hrs yet I still feel exhausted, yet I felt like my dream happened too quick, na bakit sobrang saglit lang, I wanted to experience it more, yet at the same time, scared of it. I'm too scared to see na baka mamaya ako yung mag plead sa kanya to go back, na kahit ako yung umalis, ako yung magaask sa kanya bumalik. Ang weird, bakit bigla akong natakot sa mga possibilities, dahil lang bumalik sya? **Bakit ako natakot ulit?**

Before I even overthink again, inunahan ko na yung utak ko to go outside for a walk, and para na din bumili ng dinner ko. I wore my black hoodie jacket with a shirt inside and shorts, got my wallet and keys before leaving the room. I usually walk outside around the area, as it calms my mind down and makes me think freely about random things, about the possible things while not triggering something. I went straight the nearest fastfood chain near me, ordered a burger with some fries and a large cola, only to realize, yun yung first meal ko for today. I went through the day with 12 hrs of no food intake, how and why? I usually eat on time kasi lagi akong pinapagalitan dati when I don't eat on time, especially with just 1 meal a day. 

_"Alam mo ikaw, kaya ang hilig mo mag overthink dahil sa di ka kumakain on time eh. Subukan mo kaya kumain sa oras para naman di ka nangangayayat diba? Hay, sabayan nalang kita kumain palagi para naman nasa tamang oras ka kumain, bawal ka humindi."_ Min told me in an annoyed tone pero tinatago nya yung ngiti nya dahil sa sinabi nya

I laughed so hard kasi trinatry nyang itago yung fact na gusto nya lang ako kasama kumain, na gumamit pa sya ng reason, _"Sus, sana sinabi mo nalang na gusto mo ko kasabay araw araw, edi papayag agad ako."_ I retorted back to him while grinning, _"Sabihin mo lang yun, papayag nako, kadate mo pa ko araw araw."_ And I laughed so hard afterwards

He was about to stand up so pinigilan ko sya, _"Kung ayaw mo edi wag, kala mo gusto ko kasama araw araw, kaya ko naman kumain magisa araw araw sino ba naman may gusto--"_ sabi nya while hawak hawak ko yung arm nya

 _"Alam mo, dami mong arte, sabihin mo nalang kasi agad yung gusto mo kesa ang dami mong sinasabi na kung ano ano dyan, papayag naman ako eh. Syempre para sakin din naman yan."_ I said back. 

_"Gusto ko? Edi ikaw."_ I don't know pano nya nakayanan sabihin yun with a straight face na nakatingin sa mata ko so iniwas ko yung mukha ko sa kanya and said _"ah eh ano ha para kang sira oo na kakain na ko kasama mo geh bye."_

He held my arms and hinatak nya ko pabalik, _"Ikaw tong nagsabi sakin na sabihin agad kung ano yung gusto kesa magpaliboy liboy diba? So sinabi ko, and ok lang naman kung di mo ibalik yung sinabi ko, I don't wanna force you, pero I wanted to say it kasi ikaw na mismo nagsabi sakin na sabihin ko agad. Gusto kita."_ He said in a serious manner, and yes, nakatalikod pa din ako kasi I don't know what to say and even act.

 _"So I guess see you again tomorrow?"_ He said while smiling. _"I'll go now, ingat ka ha? And remember to eat properly"_ he said before turning around para pumunta dun sa sakayan pauwi, before I can even say, **_"Why? Pano mo ko nagustuhan?"_**

I was finished the rest of my fries, left out of the store and went back walking to a place I really find comforting and just chill, it was like a destination for those who just wants to enjoy the breeze of the air while smelling the scent of the ocean that calms them down. I sat down in the bench and just stared at the empty sea, and just breathe. It was kind of my go to places to find inner peace and just enjoy what's in my environment. I took my phone out of my pocket, wanting to take a picture of the sea that looks so quiet and good despite being empty. Before opening the camera app, I noticed a notification from my messenger, "Min". Curious to what it was, I opened it. 

_"I know you purposely disconnected yourself from everyone, and you might have a good reason for it. I know forcing you to talk about it won't do anything good, but I'm just here to remind you, everything that happened today is real and everything that happened back then is also real. Di man kita nakita for quite some time, and God knows how much badly I wanted to talk to you and looked for you, up until now. I'm thankful to see that you're still well and you're really here. Kung gusto mo man makipagusap or you need someone to talk to, feel free to contact me. I admit, I'm still not fine with what you did, pero please remember that I'm still here for you._

_It was the best, you were my safe haven, the one I look forward to each day. Everything was just so perfect. You were the best thing that ever happened._

_Take care Seung_

_P.s. wag mong kalimutan itake yung vitamins mo before sleeping, and eat properly."_

I don't know how to feel honestly, parang kanina lang ako yung kinakasuklam mong tao, pero ngayon ganto pinaparamdam mo sakin. Eto na ba yung parusa ko? Eto na ba yung ganti mo sakin? Nararamdaman ko na nagiging emotional ako so I stared up into the skies, to prevent my tears from flowing. And nung ramdam ko na pawala na sila, I stared back into the sea, 

" _You were my safe haven" ,_ I read once more. Tapos na ba Min? 'Di na ba ako yung safe haven mo? Can we still go back to the state where we treat each others as the place we feel safe?

**Can we go back as each other's safe haven?**


	3. To the present along with the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While it may be seem really sweet and perfect, I still have this doubt in my mind, why is he doing this? Why isn't he mad about it?

**Sky's POV**

**\- 3 -**

Days have already passed by and the same thing still pops up in my mind, the same statement that I heard back then, " _Why am I hurting when I was the one who left you for my stupid reasons?_ ". Trying to neglect that thought, I turned around and was looking for that comfortable scent that I used to smell waking up next to. Despite not being able to, I hugged my pillow pretending it was someone, someone na nagbibigay ng comfort sakin whenever I feel stressed, whenever I feel sad, and someone that is just there whenever I need him. Eventually, my mind made me thought that I can actually smell that familiar scent and that soon subsided when I heard the sound of the thunder, along with the sound of the rain dropping by so fast.

I stood up to close every window that I may have opened and went back to my room to check my phone. It was 4:29 AM, I closed my blinds and went back to bed. The sound of the rain that sounds more soothing than anything accompanied me through my sleep. I woke up to the sound of my alarm ringing loudly, along with the sound of the rain pouring heavily outside. "There's no way na may pasok pa din ng ganto kalakas yung ulan" I thought to myself before checking for announcement by the school, not that it matters kasi di pa din ako papasok either way but still, just to be safe. Yep confirmed na walang pasok, so I went up to the kitchen to cook for food but before ko pa maopen yung stove, may tumawag sa landline ko. It was the guard from the lobby saying that someone was looking for me and I need to go down to fetch him, confused, I said "Kuya ano daw po name nya?"

"Ah sir, Min daw po eh? Lee Minho."

"Huh? Ah sige kuya thank you, baba na po ako." 

I looked for my blue hoodie jacket and keys, wore my slippers and went down to fetch him. _"Why is he here though? Not that we had an agreement or anything, and wala din naman kaming school work nor pasok today, so bakit sya nandito?"_ I asked myself while staring at the elevator door and it opened.

I rushed towards the lobby gates and saw Min standing still, like a stray cat that despises people around him and noticed that he's soaking wet. "What the fuck happened to you and what are you doing here walang pasok today" I said as I greeted him. 

"Can't you greet your guest nicely at least? Sheesh." He exclaimed. "Well first, di ko alam na wala tayong pasok since I forgot to charge my phone. Second, I don't wanna be absent, hence I still went here. Third, Nakalimutan ko pala yung payong ko, so all I had was this stupid jacket na gawa pa sa cotton."

"But how did you know that this is where I reside in?" I asked.

"This is the closest one near our school. I was originally planning to ask every condominium out there if may nagrereside ba sa kanila na "Kim Seungmin" in unit 922 since I thought you'll pick that since it's really easy to remember and para di ka na manibago pa sa unit number since the last one was also 922. Hence, here I am." He explained while shivering. "Can I at least dry myself first before you ask further questions? Please?"

"Sigh, tara na nga ako na bahala sayo, wag ka na mag sign sa sheet, dalawa naman yung gate pass ko use the other one nalang. Here."

Haharangin na sana kami nung guard pero inunahan ko na din sya magsalita "Kuya, sa kanya po nakapangalan yung isang card na hawak ko, may picture din po yan" Confused, he checked our cards and he was surprised to see that I wasn't lying. "Ah Thank you sir, sorry akala ko po kasi random guest lang and binigyan nyo lang ng duplicate card nyo, thank you po." he responded and tapped our cards into the gate system, allowing us to enter the elevator lobby.

People were staring at him because of how drenched he looks yet despite that look so good. Napailing nalang ako kasi yung iba parang di ata napansin na may elevator na nakastop but they were too busy admiring Min's beauty so what I did was pushed him inside the elevator and pressed the close button multiple times para magclose na talaga sya. I pressed "9" and saw this smirking cat staring at me, "Ano?" I asked in an annoyed tone

"Bat galit ka? Ayaw mo ba tinitignan nila ko? Selos na sya yieee" he said teasefully

"Napakakapal talaga kahit kelan, ang lakas ng hangin oh, tinatangay nako" acting as if tinatangay na talaga ako ng hangin, heading the opposite site of where he's from. "At di ako galit, bakit ako magagalit?"

"Hmm, bakit nga ba? Ah! Kasi ako yung tinitignan nila" he said while winking

"Bahala ka dyan, kung san ka masaya" I said before leaving the elevator and went straight to my door

"Eto naman di talaga mabiro huy" he said while running to catch up on me.

I let him shower for the meantime since he's really soaking wet and shivering. I prepared some towel and extra clothes as well since alam kong wala naman syang dala, as this wasn't even expected nor planned. While he was taking a shower, I went to the kitchen to prepare for some coffee and food, my original plan bago pa sya pumunta dito. Patapos nako nung matapos sya magshower so I called him in the dining table para makakain na din sya while explaining

"I know that you're lying about your phone na di mo nacharge." I said. "So bakit ka ulit nandito and bakit ka nag lie about dun?"

"Since when did I lie to you? Eto phone ko if you don't believe me. I was actually playing while on the ride papasok so lahat ng notifs ko nakaoff and it died in the middle of the trip since di ko nga nacharge. I'm here kasi akala ko despite raining this heavy, tuloy pa din yung class since wala naman announcement kagabi and baka humupa lang naman bigla yung ulan, so here." He exclaimed while sipping his coffee

"And kahit na kaya ko byumahe pabalik, it would be really dangerous na din since super lakas ng ulan. I'm really sorry for intruding so suddenly and I hope you don't mind, wala kasi akong ibang kilala sa univ." He continued

"It's fine, kesa naman manigas ka sa lamig sa labas, kasalanan ko pa kung bakit ka magkakasakit"

"Speaking of which, bakit mo nga pala ako ginawan ng gate pass? Were you expecting this to happen eventually ha? Hmmm?" He said while smirking. Again.

"Sarap mo sapakin tigilan mo ko sa mukha na yan"

"Mukha na to? Eh ang gwapo gwapo nito ititigil ko? Parang di naman ata kaya yun kasi di ko kontrolado yan sir" he replied

"Oo yang mukha na yan kung bakit tingin ng tingin yung iba, dun ka na sa labas tignan ka nalang ng tao, gusto mo din naman eh"

"Nagseselos ka ba ulit? Hahahaha" Min said while laughing

"BAT AKO MAGSESELOS HAY NAKO BAHALA KA NA NG--" I said while walking out 

"Eto naman, baby, wala ka dapat ikaselos ok?" he said while holding my hand

While it may be seem really sweet and perfect, I still have this doubt in my mind, why is he doing this? Why isn't he mad about it? So I told him in a serious tone, "Since nandito ka na din naman, do you mind talking? **About what happened back then?** "

The smile in his face disappeared and it was replaced by his serious face while still showing the pain in his eyes.

"Sure. That's why I'm here as well anyway. I can't take the pain anymore." he said while staring intensely at me "Is this why you also prepared a pass for me as well?"

"Yes, so we won't even bother finding a place na maglalabasan tayo ng galit natin sa isa't isa."

"Who told you I was mad? Seung I'm not mad, I'm hurt. Those are two different things." he said "Mas mahirap intindihin yung emotion na "hurt" kasi nasasaktan ka na, may part pa sa loob mo na gusto mo nalang kamuhian yung isang tao. Seung, I may be hurt, but I didn't hate you nor got mad at you. I was disappointed. You left me all alone there, where we had everything, na kung san freely lang tayo maging tayo. For the sake of what Seung? Tell me, did you just decide to leave me for the sake na makapagstart over ka or dahil ako mismo yung problema? Tell me honestly, please."

You could hear the sound of desperation in his voice, the pain he's feeling. 

"Listen to me Min--"

"No, just stop playing with your words, tell it to me directly, why did you just leave? Dahil ba may iba ka? Dahil ba di ka masaya?"

"Min alam mong minahal kita--"

"Ah so hindi na, ganun ba? Dahil ano? Dahil saan Seung?"

"Min mahal pa din kita pero---"

"PERO ANO SEUNG? Kung mahal mo ko, bakit mo 'ko iniwan? Dahil ba pinagbawalan ka? Dahil ba istorbo ako sa'yo?

"Min, it wasn't either of those things you mentioned--"

"Then what Seung? Why did you just leave?"

"I didn't even want to leave you, yet I did, cause I got scared Min."

"SCARED OF WHAT SEUNG? TANGINA SAN KA NATAKOT? KASI DI KO MAINTINDIHAN SEUNG. SAAN?"

**"TANGINA KASI TAKOT AKO NA MAWALA KA. Takot ako na ikaw mismo yung mangiwan sakin."** I said while a tear escaped my eye, and him with a dumbfounded face, not believing what I just said.


	4. To where the waves end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Min's POV.
> 
> "Did you ever think about there's someone out there, waiting for you to come back? Have you ever wondered what I would feel knowing that the person I loved the most just decided to disappear suddenly, without even saying anything? It sucks, but I waited for you to appear again, like a fool who can't let go of someone who can't even think of me for a second, who can't even say a word right now because he realized how much it affected me."

**Min's POV**

**\- 4 -**

Flooded by my own thoughts, I thought about everything that he just said, leaving me speechless for quite some time. Staring blankly, I can still see him trying to explain himself about what happened, yet I can't hear anything what he's saying, I can't hear anything but my own voice inside my head, and the last thing that he said to me,

 **"TANGINA KASI TAKOT AKO NA MAWALA KA. Takot ako na ikaw mismo yung mangiwan sakin."** Seung said while tearing up. I'm trying to process what he just said, _"Takot ako na ikaw mismo yung mangiwan sakin." "Takot ako.... ikaw mangiwan sakin" "Takot ako.."._ So you're telling me everything happened because he thought I was gonna leave him? Trying to understand what he just said, I went to the window and opened it, trying to get some air despite it raining so hard outside. 

Dumbfouded and finding his reasoning really stupid, "What the actual fuck?" I blurted out of everything that I just heard "So wait, let me think this through. You're telling me that you left everything behind for that absolute stupid reason? Tangina Seung naririnig mo ba sarili mo? Are you serious?"

"Min please listen to me" Seung pleaded "I was scared of everything at that point, natatakot ako na baka ikaw yung mawala sakin if I don't do what they were telling me what to do, I thought it was for the better, I thought I did the right thing, na leaving everything behind was the correct choice rather than going through all of it with you, kasi nakikita kong ikaw na mismo yung naapektuhan." 

That made things even more worse that it was, him pleading as if his action was reasonable, that it was okay to just leave someone without telling them why, without telling them any explanation beforehand without even noticing you that they'll leave. Unable to even accept what he just said, "Please tell me you're joking, please tell me this is just a dream, that nothing is real. Yeah, I must be dreaming and it's a nightmare, yeah anytime now, I think I'll wake up." Trying to make myself believe that everything that is happening right now is just a dream, a lie created by my own mind, just like the last time, slowly failing as I crumble down on my knees and hug myself while sobbing.

"Seung?" I said while I enter our room, as I just went home from my dance practice. I roamed around our room and find no one inside, I decided to text his phone number. 15 mins have passed by and still no response, I thought to myself, maybe naubusan ng load kahit naka postpaid plan sya. 30 mins have passed, yet still no clue where he is, so I tried calling his phone, and sakto nung pagkadial ko, I heard his phone sa may kwarto, under his pillow, confused as why it was there, I tried searching for any note or even any trace of him, and giving up when I found nothing, everything was where it was supposed to be, the questionable thing was that he left his phone here. Why? Baka nakalimutan, I tried convincing myself despite having a hunch that maybe something happened to him while I was out. I waited for about an hour more before deciding to go down to the lobby to ask the guard if he noticed anything, and said the didn't notice anyone nor have seen him ever since I left the building. Trying to think of any possibilities of where he could possibly be, I contacted Chan. 

"Minho? What's up?"

"I'm really sorry for suddenly calling but have you seen Seung?"

"Last time I saw him was with you though, yesterday ata yun sa may park going home? Did something happen?"

"Di ko din alam Chan, but please let me know if you've heard anything or kahit ano. Please." 

"Sure thing, stay safe bro. And stay strong."

As soon as I hung up, I ran towards the park we went to yesterday, a place where he always goes to whenever he just wants to wander around, whenever he just wants to think on his own and just listen to nothing for the meantime. It's a special place for him, and for me, as this is the place that just lets his mind wander indefinitely. Hoping that he's there, I ran faster than I could, not minding anything at this point, "Please. Be there, please." I said inside my head.

As soon as I arrive there, I went on looking for someone who's wearing a hoodie, specifically a black one, as it's the only hoodie he's wearing whenever he wants to walk around and just go to this place. Desperately looking for him, I checked almost everyone who might be wearing a hoodie, checking their faces if it was him. I've been going around in the same place for quite some time now, and not wanting to give up, I still ran through around, looking for that face that I found my home in, the one I belong to, the only thing that matters to me. 

I can feel myself tearing up, na pasuko na ko sa paghahanap, na yung katawan ko na mismo yung umaayaw na maghanap kasi it would be pointless, na wala talaga sya dito. It started to rain when I decided to look for one more time, "baka nalagpasan ko lang, baka masyado akong nagmadali", I said to myself kaya this time, I just walked. I walked in the middle of the rain and while everyone may be staring at me asking if what's wrong with me, I didn't even bother. I just walked and tried to search for someone, someone named Kim Seungmin. And still, no signs of luck nor anything, I didn't find him there, I told myself, "Baka nasa condo na, nakauwi na, naghihintay nalang sakin", so I went back instead.

Eager to see him, I felt the adrenaline rush towards my body, making me able to sprint back in despite constantly running for about almost 3 hours in that area alone. I rushed towards the elevator not minding everyone who might be in front nor just looking at me because of how drenched I am. That's the only thing that's in my mind, "Seung is just waiting for me upstairs, he'll be there. I know he won't leave me", yet when I reached our room, it was empty. Nobody was there, the lights are still closed, not a hint or sign of anyone entering as well, none, just none. Not believing, "This is just a bad dream, you'll wake up soon enough, Seung is still by your side, sleeping peacefully while you play around with his hands. Everything will be back to its original state, everything will be ok." Repeating that to myself 'til I fall asleep.

I woke up to the sun beaming towards my eyes, with no one beside me. "Seung!" I screamed calling out his name, wondering why he was out of the bed so early. The sudden memory of what happened yesterday suddenly hit me. "Di pa din sya umuuwi? San sya nagpunta?" I asked myself. "Maybe I should call his sister?", I said while dialing his sister. 

"Hello po?"

"Hi Min, how are you? Bakit napatawag ka ata?"

"Ah ate, did Seung contact you or umuwi po ba sya sa inyo?"

"Huh? No, I haven't heard from him nga since yesterday eh, he won't even reply to my texts. Why is something wrong?"

"I haven't seen him nor heard from him po kasi, he also left his phone here and clothes. I thought na baka umuwi lang sa inyo for the mean time"

"HUH? Did he just disappear? ___sfsdgasgdds___" She whispered so low that the last few words were really impossible to even understand nor translate.

"I'm sorry, ano po yung sinabi nyo sa dulo? I didn't hear it"

"Ah no, don't mind me, I'm just talking to myself. I'll talk to you later okay? And just remember that he's safe okay? Take care Min."

"Ingat din po ate"

"Min please, I'm sorry, please. Curse me, do what you want, hate me if you want"

I am still staring into the nothingness and just can't take what just happened. I heard him again pleading and just crying but I rather feel empty, and done listening with what he has to say.

"Min please, I don't know why, but why am I hurting despite being the one who left you for my stupid reasons?" Seung said. "It hurts seeing you like this, na di ko alam kung bakit ko ginawa to sayo, kung bakit ko naging choice na iwan ka nalang, and it still hurts kasi everytime I see you, naalala ko yung mga moments na triny kong kalimutan, yung mga iniwan ko. It still hurts, kahit ako yung may gawa nito, and it sucks, kasi I can't do anything about it. I can't even correct things, as in wala."

"You're hurting? Dahil umalis ka and nakita mo ko ulit? Masakit? Then think about how I would've felt Seung." I exclaimed.

"Did you ever think about there's someone out there, waiting for you to come back? Have you ever wondered what I would feel knowing that the person I loved the most just decided to disappear suddenly, without even saying anything? It sucks, but I waited for you to appear again, like a fool who can't let go of someone who can't even think of me for a second, who can't even say a word right now because he realized how much it affected me. It still stings Seung, it stings endlelssly, yet you still have the audacity to even say that you're hurting?"

"Min I---"

"Seung sa tingin mo ano 'tong nararamdaman ko? Wala lang? Seung you don't know how much I tried beating the shit out of me, blaming myself kasi bigla ka nalang nawala. Kasi akala ko I did something so bad na mas pinili mo nalang umalis kesa sabihin sakin kung bakit. Seung, nakakatangina, pero pucha naman, sa tingin mo bale wala lang sakin lahat kasi pinapansin kita? Kasi hanggang ngayon same pa din trato ko sayo? Seung, hindi, same pa din trato kasi I don't want you to blame yourself na makita akong nagsusuffer, na kung bakit ako nagkaganito. I've never expected to meet you back then nung first day kaya hindi ko naitago pa yung pagkagulat ko to see you again. Everything went back, and this time, mas masakit. Kasi lahat ng sinabi ko na babalik ka din, na di totoo lahat ng nangyayayari is nanegate lang dahil nakita kita ulit. Seung, ang sakit sakit."

That was the last thing I said before I felt the really heavy and I felt really dizzy. I got a glimpse of his face before collapsing into the floor, his shocked expression habang nagmamadali na saluhin ako before I fully collapse

"MIN!" that was the last thing I heard before everything went black.


	5. To a safe bubble towards the light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one was there, I was just in the middle, asking for someone to come over and just be with me, tell me that everything will be fine. But no one even came, no one was there, I was left alone. I was alone the whole time.

**Min's POV**

**\- 5 -**

  
Everything feels heavy, my body feels weak, and I hear the sound of the waves indefinitely. I opened my eyes and saw that I was in a large volume of water, drowning slowly as my weak body can't even move to save myself. I tried looking for alternatives, looking for a place to go, looking for something that may help me. I started swimming slowly, going upwards, to know where I was first, but alas, it seems like I wasn't even going up at all, I can see the reflection of the sun above, but I can't get out of the water, it seems like I'm trapped in the infinite ocean. Bubbles started to appear out of nowhere, it's now suddenly surrounding me. One bubble appeared in front of me, in the exact position where I was looking at, standing still, as if it was waiting for me to go inside, so I did. As I went inside the bubble, it floated above and to my surprise, the never ending ocean actually ended and now I'm just floating above it, inside this bubble that I was looking for, it was the one who helped me got out of that ocean, it gave me hope. Even though I really doubted it, it helped me climb back up and do things normally again, it made me look at the clear sky once again.

  
As soon as I got out of the ocean, I woke up to the smell of a familiar scent, too familiar as it may seem. I woke up only to realize that I was actually sleeping in Seung's bed. I looked for him, calling out his name "Seung?" desperately wanting to see him once again, despite of what happened. Tanga na kung tanga, I just wanna see him again kahit masakit pa din. I just wanna see him again, kasi sya yung bubble ko, sya yung nagliligtas sakin, sya yung tumutulong sakin to go back up and the reason why I can look at him again. 

Nobody answered, I roamed around, panicking, looking for him again. "SEUNG?", I was getting really desperate, it was making me remember something from the past, parang nangyayari yung flashback kahit di naman same yung lugar. It was haunting me, as if it's happening again in front of me. Desperate as I was to get out and don't remember anything, I sprinted towards the door, was about to leave just so that I can relax my mind and just ease me out. When I was about to reach out to the door, I woke up once again. It was just a dream inside a dream. I opened my eyes to see that Seung is beside me, sitting in a chair beside his bed while just staring at nothing, staring directly in a wall. I was about to get up, but my body won't cooperate, so instead, I just stared at him. "What could he be thinking of?" I ask myself inside my mind. I tried moving my hand towards him, reaching him but I stopped midway. Alam kong yan yung state nya wherein nag iisip lang sya, na once you disturb him, mawawala yung train of thoughts nya. 

I felt my body slowly giving up again, wanting to rest once more. I tried fighting it, but I failed once again. It was dark, I was alone in the middle of that dream, in an empty room where the space was just infinite and was really dark and the only source of light I had was the spotlight above me. It's like one of those plays wherein may spotlight sa gitna to signify the importance of the character, but this time, ako lang magisa yung nandun. No one was there, I was just in the middle, asking for someone to come over and just be with me, tell me that everything will be fine. But no one even came, no one was there, I was left alone. I was alone the whole time.

It hurts, pero kailangan kong tanggapin and kailangan kong hanapin yung palabas, I need to escape that room because no one will even help me to get out of there. I ran forward, not even bothering checking if that was the right path, just straight up towards nothing, but I saw a glimpse of a light that's coming from the door in front of me.

The moment I opened that door, I woke up from my dream with him now right beside me, sleeping while sitting down on the chair he was sitting on awhile ago with his fingers locked in mine. He looks so stressed, and sad, I still wonder, bakit? Bakit mo nagawa na gawin lahat ng yun without even telling me first, without even just talking to me first. I know na sinabi nya na, but still, I can't help but wonder, Why?

I stared at his sleeping face while waiting for him to wake up, as I do not want to disturb his peaceful sleep. I just stared and after ilang minutes, I felt na patayo na sya as he removed his intertwined fingers in mine, but before he does, pinigilan ko and locked it in once again.   
"Did you sleep well Seung?"

"Wha- bakit mo hawak kamay ko?"

"You ask that to yourself, and stop avoiding the question"

"Hoy seung, bakit hawak ni Min yung kamay mo?"

At the moment he said that, I can't help but smile and giggle, "I meant itanong mo sa sarili mo bakit mo hinawakan kamay ko"

"Ako humawak? Feeler ka kahit kailan, bakit ko hahawakan kamay mo? Ikaw tong lakas mang chancing eh"

"Hahaha then what if ikaw talaga yung humawak? Would you believe me and would you let me have 1 truth or dare?"

  
"Hala bahala ka dyan, may sakit ka lang kung ano ano na pinagsasabi mo, baka nahihilo ka lang and akala mo ako yung humawak pero ikaw talaga"

"Seung you do realize na may marks yung kamay ko sa sobrang higpit ng hawak mo right? Ganun ka na ba katakot na mawala ulit ako?"

He stared at my hand and noticed those marks, ashamed to admit, he was planning to stand up and run away but before he does, hinatak ko sya papunta sa may kama. He then covered his face with his hands, para di halatang nagblblush sya

"Look, you don't need to be ashamed about it, I really don't mind, not at all. Sa tingin mo ba, I'll pull you right back kung mawawala lang ako agad ulit? Seung, di ako bigla bigla nangiiwan ng walang rason o kahit anong pasabi. You know I always let people know kung nasaan ako or kung saan ako pupunta, kasi ayokong nag aaalala yung ibang tao sakin."

"Sorry"

"Sorry for what Seung? For suddenly leaving? I think you've already said sorry way too much, apology accepted naman Seung, but masakit pa din sya. Alam mo yun? Tinanggap ko na yung fact na yun pero masakit pa din eh. Tapos na sya, wala na tayong magagawa, pero masakit talaga eh. Masakit pero kailangan tanggapin."

"Sorry Min, I thought I made the right decision. Akala ko if I listen to "him", everything will be according kung papaano nya sinabi"

"Him? Who's that? and what sequence?"

"He told me that if I leave without any trace, maachieve mo na yung mga dreams mo na sinukuan dahil sakin. Na if I do leave, you'll even be greater and will be more successful, and that -----"  
It was cut off since nararamdaman ko nanaman na nahihilo ako, na I might pass out any time soon. But this time, mas maliwanag yung nakikita ko rather than like last time na I'll pass out due to fatigue, this time, parang may spotlight na nakatapat sa mukha ko.

"Seung tell me, who's this person? I need to know before I pass out, nararamdaman ko na sumusuko nanaman katawan ko"

"It's ..."

Bago nya pa masabi yung pangalan, nagising nako, I am in a hospital room and may dextrose na nakatusok sakin. Chan is sitting by the sofa, and seems like he's sleeping and there's also Seung beside me, sitting in a chair, natutulog while holding my hand. Confused on what's happening and why I'm in a hospital room, I tapped Seung's hand and said

"Seung? What's happening bakit nasa hospital ako"

Instead of answering my question, he just stared at me, like it was a miracle to see me wake up again, to see me talk to him, and he started crying while just saying

"Chan, Min's finally awake, he's finally awake"

  
Still confused on what's happening,

"Anong he's finally awake? I just slept from the exhaustion ng fatigue ko right? What the heck is happening why are you crying Seung? Chan?"

  
They just stared at me instead of answering my questions, which kind of annoyed me "Tangina, ano ba sasagutin nyo ba ko?"

  
Seung is still at awe, not able to answer my questions, and just staring at me while crying, "Seung bakit ka umiiyak pinaiyak ka ba ni Chan? Pwede ba sagutin nyo muna ko kesa mukha akong tanga na nagsasalita dito magisa?"

  
Chan was the one who answered my question, "Min, I don't know if you remember it pero the day you were looking for Sky, you were hit by a car nung pauwi ka while it was raining. That day til now, you were in a coma. This is the first time we saw you move and speak again after **6 months** "

6 months? What the heck? Isn't that the day Seung left me? In shocked with the information na sinabi sakin, I asked myself _"Was it all a dream? Why does it feel so real? Why does it still sting? What"_ and I was left dumbfounded. 

"What do you mean? I was literally from Seung's condo awhile ago sleeping dahil I felt really sick due to fatigue and due to naulanan ako? Is this still a dream? What the heck are you guys blabbering about?

"Min, you've never even entered Seung's condo? What are you saying? The only condo na napuntahan mo was the one na share kayo? And anong ulan, kitang kita yung araw sa labas?" Chan replied

"So you're telling me, that I've been staying here for 6 months now? Are you sure di kayo yung nakalimutan or nagkamali? Anong pinagsasabi nyo, eh that day I know na nakauwi ako ng safe kasi I still remember everything? Seung left that day diba?"

"Min, I didn't leave you, I just left my phone sa unit cause I thought it would be really hassle if I do bring it, and since babalik naman ako agad I just didn't notice the time because I was preparing something for you. The moment I went back sa unit, you weren't even there, so I had to ask Chan pa if you contacted him or anything, and he just told me that you were looking for me. The moment he said that alam kong pupunta ka na agad sa may park cause that's where my favorite spot would be if I'm trying to think or just chill. And by the moment na paalis nako sa may lobby, I heard a loud sound and just saw you laying down. I never left you Min?" Seung(?) told me

"Look Minho, you just woke up from that coma, I 'm sure you'll be really confused and the likes and still is tired from these. Please magpahinga ka muna for now, I'm sure Seung will ellaborate his explanation later on pag kinulit mo"

"No Chan, I need to know what the fuck just happened and why was Seung planning on leaving me, and for those things which happened inside my dream or whatever that shit is because it felt really realistic."

"Min, I won't leave you, you know how much I value you and why would I even think about n leaving you?" Seung said.

Still at awe with whats happening and what's not, "But you did Seung? Don't you remember anything?"

"Min what the fuck are you talking about? Are you sure you're okay? Wala naman nangyari that day aside from hinanap natin yung isat isa that time and I found you outside." Seung replied

"I swear it did happen. What the fuck is happening and why is everything mixed up?" I said in an annoyed manner.

"Minho calm down, I know you're confused as hell but please believe us, walang kahit anong nangyari for the past 6 months. Kung ano man yung sinasabi mo, I'm pretty sure that was just a dream, a dream that won't turn into reality. So for now, I want you to calm down and relax." sabi ni Chan while contacting the nurse to check up on me. "We'll discuss everything later, but for now, please magpacheck up ka ulit"

The safe bubble that I trusted awhile ago just brought me into a dimension where everything doesn't connect and doesn't make sense. A bubble that allowed me to float freely from the bottom of the ocean into the outer surface, but the only issue is that it brought me way too far from what I was anticipating. It brought me into a dimension where the sky is full of water and the ocean is just pure land. A dimension where everything doesn't make sense. **The safe bubble brought me towards the bright light.**

A single thought is just inside my brain right now "What the fuck is happening, what was that?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not updating for about a month now :c I was really experiencing things so yeah

**Author's Note:**

> 2MIN NATION RISE UP


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